And now i know

Have been at worship team retreat the past 2 days. It ended wonderfully well. I am glad i went for it. ALOT.

Michelle said something very interesting, which shall be the basis of what i am going to post about today. Here goes: True worship was never meant to be the topic for discussion in textbooks, but rather for the individual to experience for him/her-self. She also gave the analogy that after eating good steak, you will always know how it tastes, and will realize how lousy your old normal steak is as compared to the real deal. Thats just how worshiping the one true God is like. If you have never experienced God in that tangible way before, you will never know how good it can be, whereas once you have tasted for yourself to see that it is good, you will never desire for anything less anymore.

Today i want to share about the experience i had with God. Over the past few years i have come to this conclusion. God’s anointing comes to those who want it, and if i respond to an alter call because im following my friend, its purposeless, thats why i always close my eyes, and go first, without looking out. Today, at the end during the altercall, i got up and went out even before the altercall was completely called.

As i kneeled there, i earnestly prayed for me to feel Gods presence, and tears filled my eyes a bit, though i didnt know if it was cos i was tired or not, then the speaker of the night Andrew Yeo touched me and i was filled with the spirit. How the spirit filled me was very unique. It was not instantaneous but a slightly gradual sink in, where by i was overwhelmed and started wailing out, the floodgates in my eyes and nose now fully opened. If i was unsure then if i was crying or not previously, now i know for sure i was.

This sense of overwhelmness was also very different. It was very gentle, a soft nudge, i was filled with the realization of how sinful i was, and how useless i was without god, yet without guilt or condemnation. My heart was at peace yeti could see myself crying from almost like a third person perspective, my heart poured out unto the Lord. Other ppl i talked to saw visions and heard things from the Lord. What i saw was different. I saw nothing. A complete blank. like as if my iniquities were emptied out so i could be filled with his spirit to be used, and right then i committed that every heartbeat will beat with his rhythm, that my spirit will be sensitive to his calling, and i will obey and submit. Previously i was struggling with what he wanted me to do with my life, but by then i had already submissively accepted it into my life, and let go what i needed to let go, and now i was althemore reassured that He was with me

As i felt refreshed, i still couldn’t stop crying, and i was wailing like a baby, unstoppable. I realized too that i wasn’t the only one and all the ones around me were crying too, thought i couldn’t see them, i could hear them and feel their spirits pouring out to God like mine was. I became weak, i couldn’t open my mouth to speak or sing, my all totally empty in front of my God, i tried getting up to an upright posture many a times, but couldn’t, like as if i was facing a Majestic King, and i was, and every time i did get up, in time i just fell back down again, crying even more. I was weak, and i rejoiced in my weakness as i acknowledge alone i could do nothing, and that Gods strength alone saw me through. Like i said, there was no condemnation, only peace.

It was very ironic to me though. Thats how God works i suppose? For example, i said when i was young i will never become like my f ather. I turned out like my father, now not regretting it. When i was young i was so overwhelmed by the crowds in town that i told my dad i would never go to orchard again. Today i love shopping.. ep at orchard. I said when i was younger after a certain incident i will never cry again, tearing is fine, but not like crying crying, and today, i cried my lungs out to the Lord, and thats how God works, by breaking down the personal pride, to make way for his transformation.

As i looked up to the clock after the whole thing, i realized i had been on my knees, spending time with the Holy Spirit for a whole hour, and it encouraged me that my dreams and goals are then not impossible as i have done so today. Even now as i think about it, my spirit still leaps for joy, longing to feel that presence again. You never get enough of the Holy Spirit really. I now know what its like to truely be int he presence of God, and i challenge all who read this to experience the presence of God for yourself! like i said, words cannot describe the empowerment of the Holy spirit, Worship was meant to be experience yourself!

Gabriel had a vision tonight, he saw the same thing happening at smash, as they played the same song, give thanks. I challenge you to put all your insecurites at home, come for smash, run to the alter, and be ready to experience God. I know i will want to, and i look forward to experiencing true worship every week, not returning to the ‘lower quality’ worship, because i have tasted the real thing, how can i expect anything less?

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I know its late

I have not been posting. I am a bad updater. But im lazy. period. Nothing especially heart awakening. Not inspired. TRAINING! I MISS TRAINING!